Colonoscopies, Porn and Snuggies

This blog has just reached its 20,000th pageview.  In the grand scheme of things, this is a rather paltry number based on how many years its been since I “launched” it.   It’s embarrassing to even say it out loud.

As those of you with a blog know, there are stats that track what posts have been read on what day, the link they’ve clicked on to get to the blog, a map of the world where you can see who is reading your work in Iceland, for example. (Actually, there isn’t anyone reading me in Iceland but I have quite a following in Russia, France and the Philippines.)

There are big spikes in the numbers on days that I post my links to facebook and a handful of other places.  I can see who is reading these at the exact time someone has the post open and I love that some people are jumping on them within minutes.  It makes me realize that I have a teeny, tiny bit of a “following.”

On the flipside, and really, it’s like being kicked in the backs of the knees, are the statistics that show the    EXACT words that people have typed in as their search terms to get to my posts.

Here’s what I have learned:

If you have the word “porn” ANYWHERE in your blog, especially in the title of a post, you will get a LOT of traffic.  More than one person has wanted to know if there was porn in the Middle Ages.  Really, who could blame them.  Kids and older students do their theses on much worse.

When you use a title for your post that is the same name of a Snuggie-like thing that appears in an infomercial you learn a lot about how lazy people are.  Forever Lazy.

There are a lot of people having colonoscopies that want to know if you can use Coffee Mate during the prep.  This is a very important question and certainly one that I needed the answer to.  People are also very concerned about colonoscopy insurance coverage, and what your “effluence” is supposed to look like.

I use a lot of free clipart in my posts.  Apparently, there are a lot of people who also want to get their hands on “boy sneezing clipart,” “plane in storm clipart,” and “female therapist” clipart.

These are in my personal Hall of Fame of search terms:

“Celebrity flabby ass”

“Jew sneeze”

“Why does Barbara Bush look so old?”

“When will corned beef be back on the shelves?

And my own personal favorite….

“Do middle-aged women like giving handjobs.”

No matter how you’ve found this blog, thanks for reading.

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