I’ll start by saying that I’m not talking drive-by shooting revenge. I’m not even talking toilet papering someone’s house. I’m thinking more of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when she is at first snubbed by a posh boutique because of her streetwalker appearance, and then, with the support of her benefactor (played by Richard Gere), sashays into said posh boutique the next day, all fancy pants in a fabulous outfit, carrying an endless amount of shopping bags from Barney’s and Marc Jacobs and a couple of hatboxes (What is it about hatboxes that signify wealth?)
I’ll add that I’m not all that spiritual. I don’t want to wait until my next life to be rewarded by my good karma. I’m too impatient and I don’t really believe in next lives. I DO believe that I’ve been a pretty good person in my 47-years of life and most of the time it’s not for payback but for getting what I get out of helping others. I live the concept of paying it forward. Have I had missteps along the way, made mistakes? Absolutely, but at this point, the scale is more heavily weighted towards the good.
I’m riding a really nice wave of good karma these days. It’s taken a while but it’s finally catching up. My writing is getting recognition, I am in the beginnings of an incredible second marriage and in general, I’m just making things happen, living that self-actualization thing. I’m on fire.
Along the way, I have had several instances of people who have successfully stopped me in my tracks. Two of these were by incredibly self-important, narcissistic men who were responsible for me losing jobs that I adored. I’m not being delusional or naive when I say this. I absolutely admit my part in situations where I’ve been responsible for some conflict or misunderstanding but in these instances I had no way to defend my position. They had me disposed of.
I’m not sitting around plotting or scheming but I want them in some way to know that it wasn’t a smart move to dismiss me out of hand. I’ve drafted e-mails never sent because I know that they would do no good. My fantasy, and this is really pure fantasy, is that I get, at least in some minor but public way, known for my talents. I want them to see how I’ve moved on from their harsh criticism and the power they exerted over my life at the time. I want them to wish they knew me.
I know that the response to this from many people will be that I’m being petty and that I have to let go of the past. I think all of us would admit to feeling this way about someone in their lives who has done them wrong. I’m not expending endless amounts of energy on this, but as I find myself taking baby steps that appear to be getting me closer to my dream, I can’t help but think of how they’ll react once I get there.